Monthly Archives: July 2011

Win a new Jaguar XJ…

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Not really. But I’ll do a custom-made grocery tote bag for you if you submit the winning single people’s grocery list.

I don’t like rules (those of you who know me, quit rolling your eyes) so here are some “guidelines:”

  • Has to be a real list – I’m trusting you on this one.
  • You have to be single – As I mentioned before, the marrieds have “normal” lists. Boring.
  • It has to make me laugh – I’m a pretty tough audience.
  • Nothing X-rated or nasty – Watch cable for that.
  • Your list has to fit – The totes only have so much room for your list (see below). I’ll get bored after 5 or 6 six things, anyway.

Single People's Grocery Lists

Here’s a sample tote. And of course you can buy this one from me. Make me an offer.

So, submit your lists in the comments section. C’mon, it will be fun. At least for me…

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$87 and no real food…

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How is it possible to spend $87 at a grocery store and leave with almost no real food? Here’s the bulk of the items:

  • sparkling water
  • juice
  • cat/baby food –  that’s baby food and cat food, both of which the cat eats, not food for a baby cat or a cat baby (which might be what Halle Berry’s Catwoman and Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine love child might look like.)
  • NY sharp cheddar
  • yogurt
  • Bell’s Two-Hearted ale
  • raspberries
  • grapes
  • paper products that are too boring to list

There’s more, but I can’t recall anything that I might make an actual meal out of. Well, maybe the ale and cheddar would work?

125 lbs. cat litter…

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This is the grocery list that inspired (along w/ J’s) starting this thing:

  • 125 lbs. cat litter (in 5-25 lb. bags)
  • case of Malbec
  • space heater
  • chicken breasts
  • spinach
  • Carhartt (knock-offs) socks

This is from one of those wonderful all-purpose gourmet stores where you can buy a garden hose and artisanal breads.

The mistake I made was loading the litter into the cart first. The cart was out of control at that point and I had to warn people to get out of the way or die by cat litter.

For those of you who live in cold climates and don’t know about Carharrt socks, I feel for ya.

 

I need those maple-frosted sugar cookies…

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Yesterday in preparation for a Mother Visit today, I bought a vat of this chicken salad she likes from the faux Amish store in my ‘hood. While there, I also got:

  • 1/2 lb. of Virginia ham (which was really .79th of a lb.)
  • 1/2 lb. of Lacy Swiss (ditto – the scales are fickle)
  • boring sandwich buns for chicken salad above
  • maple-frosted sugar cookies from a little “local Amish bakery,” which is probably really Kroger’s baking facility
  • peaches

It sounds like I’m suspicious of things labeled “Amish,” but I’m really not. It’s just an easy “let’s get the dumb city folks to buy this” label anyone can use. Was that too harsh? Sorry, real Amish people.

Here’s my blog…finally.

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Yeah, yeah, I know I’ve talked about doing this blog for months. Many of you became skeptical, shaking your heads and mumbling that I talk a good game. But I’m taking a break from income-producing writing (Yes, there is such a thing.) to do some stuff that’s more close to home and a chance to do the funny thing.

Those of you who don’t know me, which I hope is the majority of people visiting this blog because I only have like 19 friends and that wouldn’t be much traffic, welcome to my distorted vision of being single.

So here it is – “Single People’s Grocery Lists”

Hopefully, we’ll have some fun with it. I have a feeling you’ll start to analyze your own weird crap as you take it out of your cart and load it on the checkout belt. “What does 18 cans of baby food, 4 bottles of wine, 16 cans of cat food and popcorn say about me?”