Single Wanderers in the Grocery Desert

Lately, I’ve started to pay more attention to my kin at the grocery store – those of us who wander in single-shopping mode, often perplexed by things like the overwhelming choices in the orange juice section. Pulp? Some Pulp? No Pulp with Calcium? Good Lord.

We don’t often make eye contact, we solo shoppers. We’re on a mission. In my case, it’s get it done and get out fast. But a recent mailing of $1 off coupons from Giant Eagle had me all over the damn store. I normally buy store brands, but w/ a buck off, I bought Kellogg’s Mini Wheats in Cinnamon Roll flavor. Seriously. But I’m digressing. (Hey, I saved nine bucks.)

There is a certain camaraderie between the singles when confronted w/couples who are not only arguing about some unresolved issue and taking it out on innocent produce, but also blocking any passage in their self-absorbed oblivion. I’ve caught many an eye-roll and exasperated sigh from fellow singletons when trying to negotiate around these folks. I’m fairly certain I recently had a silent communion w/ a guy as we said in our thought bubbles, “Thank God I don’t have to deal w/ that cra*anymore!”

We do peek in each other’s carts. I’ve learned to bite my tongue when about to comment on another single person’s items. Early on in fresh post-divorce mode, I talked to anyone and didn’t have much of a filter. I’d point out my 20 cans of Fancy Feast and case of wine and laugh while gazing at their head of lettuce, light bulb and cheese singles. It usually didn’t go over well.

I continue to chat w/ people in the wine department, advising them on a good red or nice Chenin Blanc. Most people like to talk about wine and some look petrified they’ll make a wrong choice, elevating a wine purchase to that of a new vehicle. So perhaps I offer them some comfort. I certainly enjoy myself.

Maybe we should have a secret handshake or club? Single People’s Grocery List Outpost #35. Come and share your grocery list and pet peeves. I’ll pour you a glass of wine.

Love Me Some Paper Products

Inspired by some daffy experiences in consumerism lately (Dear God, Christmas shopping!? I’m never doing that again. Ever.), I decided to bring back the SPGL blog. Honestly for me, single-person grocery shopping hasn’t gotten any easier or fun, but I make an effort to record some of my weirder thoughts for possible use later. Like a recent trip to Sam’s. I went for calcium. You know, the kind that comes in the huge barrel that may still be going strong after my demise. But here’s what else I ended up buying. Keep in mind that the budget’s very tight right now, but I avoided reality nonetheless and I had a $5 coupon to use…

• Calcium 600 mg. + Vitamin D3, 600 tablets  – I have no idea what “D3” is but I did read that it’s good to have D along for the ride.
• Charmin, 36 rolls – I believe that’s self-explanatory.
• Paper Towels – Lots of rolls. See above.
• Kleenex, cute designer size, assorted colors, 10 boxes – Yes, of course I know there are cheaper, generic brands and  the bigger, boring boxes have a higher tissue content, but I don’t give a damn. I like my little boxes of the super-soft line. Right now you can blow your cute designer nose in every room in my house.
• 2 lbs. strawberries – I hate it when fresh fruit isn’t in season and seriously expensive, but these were reasonably priced.
• Set of three non-stick skillets, 8″, 10″ and 12″ – “He Who No Longer Inhabits” took most of the good cookware and tools. I began to worry that the peeling coating from the “Teflon” pans he rejected might be killing me. Plus they were a gorgeous orange and $24.95 for the set.

Paper Product Love
After she reported her Sam’s trip, my pal and I actually had a 10-15 minute convo about how excited we both were that we now had multiple rolls of TP and paper towels. Remember when you lived in a college apartment or your first place and toilet paper was almost a luxury? Another friend, who I would never suspect of such nefarious deeds, recently admitted she used to steal TP from a hotel that was near her apartment. (She “paid them back” years later, in kind. Seriously.)

When you get down to one roll of toilet paper for two bathrooms, don’t you start to feel all poor again? I do. So when I brought my new package of Charmin into the house, it was a good day. Similar feelings arose for the Bounty paper towels, but it’s not as deep a love.

No Food
Notice there was only one edible item in that Sam’s run? So I spent $71.65 and could make a grilled strawberry sandwich in my new skillet.

But I still have 34 rolls of the good stuff left.